Tuesday, December 30, 2008

100 Ways To Get Banned From Walmart

1. Bring 1 bullet round and go to the Gun section. Ask for the specific gun that fits the bullet and hold the store ransom. (Duh Of course you are going to get banned)

2. . Walk in naked and hit on the wall mart greeter

3. . Walk in with a shovel and start banging on the ground and start digging a hole and until one of the guys come by and they ask you what are you doing yell out,"I hear Hitler was buried here!"

4. Bust through the wall with a tank

5. take 24 boxes of condoms and place them in random shopping carts when people aren’t looking.

6. Live in wall mart

7. Pay a whole bunch of hobo's to come to Wall mart and film the next Hobo fights

8. Start opening a whole bunch of the products and eating or using them

9. Get brown paint and splash it everywhere and then stand there looking exhausted and when someone comes by yell out, "I SAID I NEEDED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!"
10. Grease yourself up and run naked through the Isles and slide down them.
11. throw skittles at everyone yelling "taste the rainbow!"

12. Sit in the change room for hours & refuse to come out...
13. Get a few friends to all get pillows and blankets and just lay down in the middle of an isle and nap.
14. Start screaming at the employees of the electronics department about how they never got your pre-order of ET.
15. take any number of pre schoolers, arm everyone with water pistols and let them loose inside, telling them its a massive walmart wide game of water tag. for maximum banning that would lead to generations of ur family being banned from even stepping 100 feet from their parking lot, substitute ur bratty nephews and cousins for the pre schoolers.^^
16. Become a Wall mart greeter and greet everyone by saying, "Hi, I am a convicted sex offender. Have a nice day!"

17. Get a 200 midgets and make them run drunk through the store

18. Get two mice and wield them with swords and make them fight to the death and stand there yelling, "yes yes, you have nothing and i have everything!"

19. Solicit random stuff

20. Start the Wall mart religion/cult that involves sacrafising wall mart greeter in the store

21. grab 24 boxes of condoms and put them in random carts.

22. Rig the place with fake explosives

23. Throw hot coffee at employee's and say isn't it a hot day?

24. get Urkel to break random things and make him say "Did I do that?"

25. Get everyone drunk in the store and blame it on a bird
26. Bring food & eat on the patio sets that are in display... & don`t forget to bring your family for the party! =D
27. Jump in an employees arms and kiss his cheek saying i love you baby marry me!
28. run into the restroom wheather they be the male or female one..and start to flicker the lights and yell fire!!!
29. try to put gum or candy on layway.
30. Loiter around the aisle corner (where two aisles meet) and ask passerby if they're looking for a good time. Make sure to be wearing a micro skirt and way too much make up.
31. Run around naked, screaming “Clothes are for narrow-minded people, like YOU, YOU and YOU! , while randomly pointing at people.”
32. Hide in the lingerie section and "pants" random people as they walk by, then pull their shirts over their faces and waddle away cackling like a goblin. Repeat the same procedure to the mall cops, the actual cops, the SWAT team, and eventually the National Guard. Then they will have to send in elite counter-terrorist operatives to take you down.
33. Take the bikes down and ride them through the store and when an employee says something to u say: "Oh I'm terribly sorry I didn't know there was a rule that said "DON'T HAVE A SPIRIT"
34. ask an emplyee if he or she would like to play some b-ball (w/ the b-balls in the sports section) if he/she says no then say: "suit yourself" & start playing if they tell u to stop say: "this is bcuz i'm better then u isn't it?" and make sure it attracts a crowd.
35. When you come out of the bathroom, ask the next passerby "Hey, that sign about washing your hands, thats only for the employees, right?" while gesturing close to their face with your hands
36. Grab a pair of huge fluffy bunny slippers or huge knee-high boots and walk around the store in them (Make sure you wear shorts so its obvious) and when someone asks what your doing, reply "Well, I wanted to try them on and break them in a bit before I buy them...You see, I'm not very good with making drastic decisions like this, in fact my life-counselor told me that I.... -babble on for about half an houruntil they leave-"
37. When in the self-checkout scanner lane thingy and it asks you to choose a payment option, have a mental breakdown and scream "Wwwhhhyy?!?!?! Why am I faced with these horrible, drastic descisions EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE?!?!? It's not faaaiiiirrr!!!! -fall over crying and screaming in the aisle- Wait for about 5 minutes and if everyone just watches and doesnt help, get up and walk cooly out of the store
38. Obtain the most intimate lengerie you can find, go into a changing room, don it, and walk out.
39. make a trail of tomato juice leading to the girl’s bathroom.
40. go to the toy section get all the fake naruto ninja gear and throw the plastic kunai at everyone yelling believe it!
41. walk in naked with an uzi claiming your from the future
42. Tip over that big cage of bouncy balls
43. Have a water balloon fight in the electronics section
44. take a quarter and superglue it to the bottom of the floor lol then take pictures or count how many ppl try and pick it up
45. Go to wherever it is that they sell ballons (already inflated). Buy one and go to one of the cashier lanes and let it go. Watch it float to the ceiling, then go buy another. Repeat over and over until they run out of balloons or refuse to sell you any more.
46. Take a rubber glove out of one of the packages in the kitchen stuff section, stick it on your head and run around squawking like a chicken
47. Take a CD from the CD section and take it to one of the huge stereos they have playing for display. Stick the CD in (Make sure its like Crazy Frog or something else thats pleasantly annoying XD) Crank up the volume, hit play and walk casually away
48. While in the lingire or underwear sections, say very loudly ''OH WOW I HAVE THESE SAME UNDERWEAR AT HOME!!''
49. Grab a double D size bra off the rack and put it on over your clothes. Then walk up to random passerby and ask if it looks like it fits correctly or if you should try a different size.
50. sing the I like big butts song on the intercom.
51. Go up to a random person, point and say very loudly "HEY I SAW YOUR PICTURE ON THAT SEX OFFENDER WEBSITE!”
52. Go to the pets section and irritate the animals. Example: grab a cat's cage and put it right next to the dogs cage and watch them go wild. Or open all the birds cages and let 'em loose!
53. Grab a bag of hamster food pellets and walk around the store blatantly eating them. If someone stares at you or gives you weird looks, respond with a mouthful of pellets "Hey, you want some?" and offer them a handful
54. Find something like a bag of dog crap, a handful of tampons, condoms, random trash, etc and stick it in a stereo box or something. Go to the returns center and make up a complaint about it. When the employee opens the box and finds the offensive item, say "Ha ha, its yours now!"
55. Sit cross-legged on the floor in front of a random HUGE Tv and pretend to watch attenetively. Act childish and when commercials come on, loudly tell a passerby how much you want the item on the commercial. When an employee asks what your doing, say "Ssssshhhhhhh!!!! I love this show!" Do this for quite a while
56. ask for the manager, if the manager comes say "wow you remind me of a famous t.v person". if he ashs who you say "barney the purple dinosuar"and quickly run away.
57. wear a custom made t-shirt...written on the front and back.. "i hate wal-mart"
58. Have a chick friend walk into the store with you. Make her wear a dress and stuff a pillow under her shirt (anything that will take shape of a pregnant woman will work). Now walk into a full aisle and have your friend fall on the ground, make sure you spill some water on the ground to make it seem as if her water broke. Have her start screaming in agony for an ambulance and yell "Push!" next to her, and hold her hand too. When employees start running over for assistence, pull the pillow out real quick, whack an employee head on and take off running through the store and then exit.
59. Get a really hyper dog and release it into the store. Chase it like crazy, but do not seriously attempt to catch it. Knock a whole bunch of things over as you chase the dog.
60. bring a lawnchair to home entertainment and get a friend that works there to open the thing of games and give you the key, then sit in the lawnchair playing your favorite games, like DDR.
61. Play laser tag with 30 other friends. Run around as fast and make as much noise as possible. Say things like, "Morg will never destroy the Emprinton Kingdom, or my name isn't Donkan-Hyrontin!"
62. Hijack a mircophone and sing the lead part of "Cowboys from Hell".
63. Act incredibly rude to the person at the check-out counter. When the manager comes, say as condescendingly as possible, "I don't have to listen to you stupid prigs. I got a 36 on the ACT."
64. Go find one of those container things with the bunch of playground balls and keep taking them out and throwing them, then watch as they knock down thing over thing.
65. Follow around the people who are restocking the shelves and add every item they put on the shelf into your cart.
66. Hide in the clothes racks and whisper "pick me" to unsuspecting customers
67. Reorganize all the clothes so it fits, shirt, pants, shirt pants, bra, bikini, etc. or in any order.
68. Men; fill your cart with womenly items and ask clerks where the *girl item here* are, then walk away. Find him later and ask the same question.
69. Film a French video in the produce section where you bow to many carrots.
70. Steal the free samples and talk to yourself in a corner.
71. Buy a box of donuts, walk out, then five minutes later come back in, sit on the floor and scream at the top of your lungs. When the cashier or manager or greeting guy or gal asks what's wrong, get emotional, and insist you didn't get enough chocolate sprinkles.
72. walk with very dark glasses and white out contacs so your pupils look grayish, then hit people in the legs with your cane.
73. dress up like a superhero(preferably superman or batman),and do a strip tease for the kiddies.
74. eat ALL the "pez candy" and when the guards try to get you, say; "I'm pacman, I'm being chased by the ghosts!, but when I eat a powerpill, beware!", eat what you consider a powerpill (an extasis pill? ) and try to eat the guards
75. Re-enact the "Say hello to my little friend" scene from scarface
76. Buy some cap guns and come in later and shoot all over the place.
77. drop all of [insert competitor here] prefered shopper gold cards by "accident"
78. put in the HI FI system a porn movie, but only the audio
79. hijack a loudspeaker and say, "whoever owns the black hdtv outside, give it to me, or i will remove your brain and feed it to the manager. thank you for shopping in my brain, and get the f*ck out."
80. Ask where the walls are
81. place Kmart posters EVERYWHERE
82. spraypaint "TARGET RULES!" on the walls.
83. Have a protest inside the store saying that you would rather have a K-Mart there.
84. Make a prank call saying it's the manager of wal mart calling to order tons of gay male strippers in Wal Mart.
85. wander through the store dressed in all black with a fake walkie-talkie humming the Mission Impossible theme. When someone asks what you're doing, scream 'LOOK OUT!!!' and push them behind a shelf
86. Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly after they take one.
87. Buy 350 packets of tuna and scream 'THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!!! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!!!' once the cashier tells you the price
88. Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask someone where you can find some 'musical devices'
89. when the announcer-thing comes on, throw yourself on the floor and scream 'THE VOICES!!!THEY'RE BACK!!!'
90. start a fish stick fight
91. set fire to the Barbie isle
92. walk up to random people and give them giant bear hugs. Then scream 'I MISSED YA, MAN!!!!!!!'
93. walk up to an employee and murmur 'code red in aisle 3' and see what they do
94. whisper 'I know your 'little secret'' to people in the checkout line
95. Ask where you can go to buy something decent.
96. Ask the guy in the guns department to borrow his best revolver because the guy in lawn and gardens just pissed you off.
97. Run through the store yelling, "Take cover, prices are falling. I repeat--take cover. Prices are falling."
98. Build a fort in the camping department and tell other customers there only allowed in if they bring you pillows.
99. Hold a cross-store football game with one inzone being the Deli and tackle random people as you play.
100. put all of the ‘dora the explorer’ dolls in a pile. Hide in it. Scream “SWIPER NO SWIPING!!!” when little kids come by.

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